check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
