Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
