her vagine was all disorganized.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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