His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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