I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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