how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
