I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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