so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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