Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
