Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
