im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
