They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
