does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
