Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
