I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You're like the curious george of whores
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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