I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
