he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
