I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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