gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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