the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
