You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
