i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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