my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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