508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
