And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
