i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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