would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We were destined to go to rehab together
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
