No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
