So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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