that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
