Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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