So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
