I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
