i just google imaged poop.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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