oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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