Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
