Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
