Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
