Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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