She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
