the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
