Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
