i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
