I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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