I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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