i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
