I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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