and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
