If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
