I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
